As the Christmas season draws ever nearer, people will do some pretty extraordinary things to get what they want. They'll max out their credit cards and they'll take on extra shifts at work. Heck, they'll even mortgage their house if they want it bad enough. And while the ins-and-outs of monetary transaction are relatively simple (using children as collateral is only a pen mark away!), actually getting that new toy is another matter altogether. No matter what tickles your fancy, there's always one method of ensuring you get the latest must-buy item. No, it's not patience, that's un-American. I'm talking about the camp out, of course.
The object of Ray's desire.
The Nintendo Wii was released on November 19th, 2006. I remember this not because I have the collective knowledge of the nerd hive mind at my command, but because I did things on that date. I did things that I'm not proud of. I did things that, once you read the rest of the article, will seriously make you question whether or not you want to be my friend anymore. The following is an account of the soul-crushing trip I took through Consumer-whore Town, USA in order to get a white box that occasionally plays games. Oh, and it's wireless. I'm sure that compensates for the fact that I NO LONGER HAVE A SOUL!
Pretentious use of hyperbole aside, waiting for the Wii wasn't that bad. If any of you have read about my disastrous run for the Xbox 360 a year ago, what you'll read here will seem like a walk in the park. I mean that figuratively, of course: gamers never walk, let alone go to
parks.
I had arrived at the Union City Wal-Mart on the evening of November 18th wanting to buy cheap tuna for a sandwich when I saw a bunch of people standing outside near the bike racks. Staying abreast of all the happenings in the video game world let me instantly know that the
line was full of Nintendo stalwarts wanting the latest gaming system. I drove home and, after reading on the (ultra-reliable) internet that the Union City Wal-Mart would be receiving sixty-three units and start selling at midnight, I broke out the camping chair and drove my stupid
self to the Wal-Mart to make a complete ass of myself.
When I got there, it was already 9:00 PM and there were forty-six people before me by my count. With sixty-three units, I was still in good shape. To pass the time I struck up fun conversations with people, talking about the various merits of the system and the reliable nature of Nintendo products in general. On a totally unrelated note, I used to wonder why I was single.
Ten o'clock rolled around when the store manager stepped out to inform the masses that (and I still don't know how this could be possible) the internet had lied to us and the store had only received twenty-six units. TWENTY-SIX! My soul was crushed. My precious Wii that had been so close to my grasp was now being fiercely yanked away like candy from a fat guy.
I cried injustice. I cried eBay scamming. I cried into the arms of the delightful Chinese guy I had played Nintendo DS with just an hour before. I was so desperate to get my $250 piece of plastic that, upon the arrival of two huge Wal-Mart trucks, I rallied the spirits of my dismayed brethren and urged them to stay and fight the good fight. After all, there could've been Wiis in them thar trucks.
Midnight rolled around and the manager confirmed my worst nightmare: that there were still twenty-six units at the store. At this point, I couldn't feel my toes and my lips had turned a fashionable shade of Wii blue. I went home dismayed and surrendered myself to the cold embrace of sleep, convinced that I had missed my only chance at true happiness. That is, until I dreamt a dream that would breathe new life into my dead hopes.
Stay tuned for Ray Ray's Odyss-Wii, Part Two later this week.
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